House peeked around the door of Exam room four, waiting for Cuddy to come out. He knew she was inside with a patient, and given the demand he was about to make, he figured it would be better to do without an audience. Particularly an audience still fascinated by Saturday morning cartoons.

She was talking softly to the girl on the exam table, her husky voice low as the two of them shared a giggle. House stared more intently, curious about the content of the conversation. He shifted closer, cocking his head slightly to better catch the words just beyond the door.

“Well they aren’t totally gross. Some of them end up being very nice,” Cuddy murmured. “Those are the ones worth keeping.”

“I always get the stupid ones,” the girl complained cheerfully. “Lots and lots of stupid ones. Every year.”

“Hey, at least you get some,” Cuddy replied, and House watched her use the otoscope on each of the girl’s ears. “It’s been a long time since I had even one.”

“But you’re pretty!” the patient pointed out. “That means you should get a ton. There are lots of boys at the hospital and I bet they’d all chase you.”

House snorted to himself at the ludicrous image of Cuddy, pursued down the halls by Wilson, or Foreman, in a mad giggly dash from one bank of elevators to another. Elementary school antics of Opposite Day and cootie vaccinations flitted through his mind.

Had he ever been that innocent?


“Nobody chases me,” Cuddy announced firmly. “Let’s have a look in your throat, Jane. Open wide--“

She was cupping the girl’s chin with one gentle hand, and pointing the pen light into her mouth with the other. House let his glance move down to her legs, or what he could see of them under the lab coat. Still smokin’. Cuddy had nice ones, definitely.

“I bet they would chase you. You have to pretend you hate them and you don’t want them to, and then they do,” Jane sighed. “Boys are dumb like that. They think they know stuff that they really don’t.”

“To-ta-lee,” Cuddy murmured. “Okay, I see some white spots on those tonsils, so it’s time for an antibiotic—Zithromax, I think. We’ll just walk on over to the pharmacy and meet your mom there, okay Jane?”

“’Kay.” A crinkle of tissue paper and a thump of feet on the floor. House backed up just in time as the door opened and the girl looked up at him.

“I’m here to chase Doctor Cuddy,” he told her, keeping his expression completely serious. The girl eyed him for a moment then looked over at Cuddy, who was writing something on the chart. She looked up, and House smirked at her.

Cuddy sighed. “House. What do you want?”

“It’s Opposite Day, so—I love you.”

The girl giggled. Cuddy’s mouth twisted, and she set the chart aside, moving over to the door. “Oh really? Opposite Day, huh? Then I passionately adore you.”

“Yeah? Well I want to marry you and be Mr. Cuddy for a hundred thousand billion years.” House snarled.

Jane had her hands against her mouth, more giggles leaking out the sides. House turned to glare at her for a moment. “You’re sure crying a lot.”

“I’m not—“ she protested, then caught herself, “oh yeah, Opposite Day!”

After Cuddy had handed over both the diagnosis and prescription to Jane’s mother, she turned back for Exam Room Four, only to find House still there, using his cane to part the blinds and look out of the window. Cuddy smiled tolerantly at him.

“The kid’s right, you know,” House murmured. “There are a lot of boys at the hospital who would chase you. Chase would be one of them.”

“Ha-ha. Still Opposite Day?” Cuddy replied. She wasn’t prepared when House turned and caught her chin in his free hand, lifting her face. He looked at her for a moment before bending down a bit to kiss her.

Cuddy protested for a moment, but softened, leaning into the kiss, which deepened from something tenderly soft into a quick, hungry clash of tongues and lips. House let his hand slide to the side of her neck, and when he broke away to breathe, he growled. “You’re so gross that I don’t even want to take you to dinner and then back to my place to play Dress Off day.”

Cuddy gave a little whimper. “House, we swore to stop.”

“Yeah, but it’s Opposite Day,” he reminded her, and kissed her again, groaning against her mouth, his hands clutching her ass possessively. Cuddy pulled away for a moment, laughing into his face.

“No. And I mean that.”

“That sucks,” he told her with a knowing smirk. “And by that, I mean you suck.”

“I’m terrible at sucking,” she told him, and House groaned again.

“The worst. I won’t expect you at six. And you won’t bring any wine.”

“Nope,” she agreed. “Not a drop. And you won’t have any Chinese take out. And there will be no blow jobs between courses.”

“God,” House gustily sighed. “I really, really HATE you.”

Cuddy nipped his nose and stepped away. “No you don’t. And House?”

He looked at her with an expression of love, lust and amusement.

She patted her ass. “Watch out for my cooties.”





House index