Sara looked down at where her fingers were laced with the limp cool ones of her father. He was drooling a little from the lax left corner of his mouth, but his gaze was sharp and she smiled at him. William Sidle was a tall rangy man with thick white hair and formidable eyebrows that matched his bushy mustache; even while sitting up in a hospital bed he carried a strong presence of dignity and patience.
“Tom’s here for a while, okay Dad?” Sara told him.
William brought his right hand to give her slow thumbs up, and Sara stood, leaning over to kiss his lined cheek. Her brother slipped smoothly into the vacated chair after giving Sara’s shoulder a squeeze in passing.
“Hey Dad, how’s it going this morning?” Tom’s voice faded as she stepped out into the hall and looked over at her mother a few feet away.
Tall and slender, Avra Sidle wore her silver hair in a long braid down her back. Her wire-rim glasses magnified her chocolate brown eyes, and dimples framed her lovely mouth. She turned from her conversation with the nurse and caught Sara’s eye, smiling as she came over to her daughter.
“He liked that case story about the Sumo wrestlers,” Sara flashed a tired grin. Avra rolled her eyes and rubbed her chin thoughtfully.
“He’s alert, and his aura is much better. Doctor Singh is going to have him moved from the ICU today after the arterial scan.”
“That’s good—“ Sara agreed as her mother reached up over to her and lightly stroked her hair.
“Yes it is. Despite the setback, I have every faith your father’s going to do well for such a cranky old fart.”
Sara burst into giggles along with her mother, the tension relieving sort that made a few of the passing nurses look at them suspiciously.
“Mom!”
“Well he IS. If I’d known what a long strange trip it would be—“ she shrugged her shoulders in a very familiar way, “—I’d do it all over again exactly the same, of course. That’s what life-partnering is all about.”
“So being with the same man for over thirty years gives you the right to call him a cranky old fart?”
Avra arched an eyebrow as she and Sara made their way out to the hospital parking lot.
“I’ve called him worse, darling, and he’s always forgiven me, not that I deserved it sometimes,” she sighed, polishing her glasses on her sleeve.
Sara drove them back to the Ocean Inn, listening with half a mind to her mother’s soft chatter. The day was overcast; rather like her mood, Sara realized. The phone calls with Grissom were the only bright spots through this ordeal, and even those seemed to be tinged with slightly frightening overtones.
Make the position permanent—what the hell did he MEAN by that, Sara wondered again for the hundredth time. Was it a proposal? Was it a suggestion that they stay at the house full time? Was it a request that she cook more often? Was it all of the above? Sara snorted to herself, well aware of how useless speculation was at this point. Grissom being the enigmatic that he was, would probably have forgotten all about his provocative comment by the time she returned, if he even bothered to think of it at all.
God that would be SO like him.
“You’re awfully quiet today. Something bumming you out honey?”
Flashing her mother an apologetic smile Sara gave a shrug.
“Just thinking about something.”
“Hmmm—“ came her mother’s slightly cynical retort. “Forgive me, Sara but it looks more like a some ONE rather than a some THING. You’re blocking, big time.”
“I am NOT. My aura’s just fine and you know it. You’re just nosey,” came the cheerfully exasperated reply. Avra stared at the car ceiling.
“Ah, well forgive ME if I sense that your sexual vitality is fluctuating wildly. What would I know, I’m ONLY the female who gave birth to you, nurtured you at my breasts in a sacred bond of—“
“Mom!” Sara rolled her eyes and then turned them to the woman next to her, glaring. “—My fluctuating vitality, sexual or otherwise, is not the issue here.”
“Of course it is—you’re worried about the two most important men in your life, girlchild, and I can perceive it so strongly it’s about to knock me over. Dad will be fine, but maybe you need to tell me about the other one,” came Avra’s quiet voice. Sara gripped the wheel a little more tightly as the car pulled up to the long sandy driveway to the Inn.
She hesitated, biting her lower lip.
“Over mint tea, Sara. We’ll sit on the beach and you can tell me about him. It will do you good—“ her mother soothed in a low persuasive tone.
They carried their mugs down the rickety wooden steps to the beach, each woman wrapped in a thick crocheted poncho. Sara breathed in the salty breeze off the water with a sigh of homesickness as Avra motioned to a little secluded curve along the sand dunes. They settled in, and She was glad that it was an overcast day because it meant fewer people would be on the beach. Sara gripped her mug tightly.
Avra worked her bare feet into the cold sand and sipped her tea with satisfaction before murmuring, “Shall I tell you what I read, girlchild of mine?”
“Go ahead mom—“ Sara gave a crooked grin, well used to her mother’s tiny flashes of psychic insight. Avra closed her eyes.
“He has blue eyes.”
“Yep.”
Avra concentrated again.
“His focus lies with tiny life of some sort—germs or plankton or something.”
“Insects, actually.”
“And . . . he is—“ Avra hesitated, her eyes still closed behind her wire rims, and then she rushed on, “—Seeking harbor with you. Still far from the shore, but within sight of it and drifting closer, wave by tiny wave. How am I doing?”
Sara looked over at her mother’s expectant face.
“One of these days you’re going to get it wrong—“ she grumbled with no real malice as her mother pumped a fist in the air triumphantly.
“Ha!” her mother hooted, “Maybe, but not today. The overlap of his energy on yours is fading, but it’s still there, Sara. You’ve let him get very close.”
Sara tried to look bland and innocent, but her mother just laughed, reaching over to pat her hand.
“So talk to me about this man who’s sending you a rose everyday, hmmmmm? Is he kind? Is he fair and honest and good for your soul?”
Sara blushed a little, looking out over the slowly breaking waves before answering.
“He’s all of that. He’s more, even though not too many people can see it, mom,” Sara let the breeze brush her face, adding, “but this thing we have . . . it’s complicated.”
Avra waited, settling into her patience while Sara stared into her mug of tea and tried to think of a way to explain.
“We’re not in a position to make our relationship known at the moment.”
“You work together then. An office romance,” Avra supplied in a soft tone. Sara nodded without looking at her mother.
“Not forbidden exactly, just sort of discouraged. One of us would have to go to day or swing shift eventually if it got out that we were . . . intimate.”
“Are you?” Avra asked. When Sara looked at her, she clarified, “Intimate? Have you gotten drunk together and fought and compromised and laughed and cried together sweetheart? Have you seen him in passion and pain? Has he seen the same of you?”
Sara closed her eyes tightly as she winnowed through the memories dancing in her mind. Images of Grissom losing his temper over a budget memo; of him asleep in her arms, sweaty and warm; of him patiently showing her the extended leg of a bush cricket; of his hungry mouth moving on the nape of her neck—
“Yeah,” she croaked softly, as the last image she recalled was the terrible majesty of Grissom carrying tiny Zachary Anderson through a sunny morning.
Avra shivered a little, but managed a smile.
“So . . . and where are you going with this . . . complicated thing of yours?”
“I don’t know,” blurted Sara, more loudly than she realized. Looking chagrined she rubbed her forehead. “When I’m WITH him it’s not complicated at all. He’s who he is, and I’m who I am, and in the overlap we’ve got so much—“
“—Chi,” her mother supplied helpfully. Sara nodded.
“Yes, so much energy it surges through the both of us, recharging us to a depth and breadth like nothing I’ve felt before.”
Avra nodded at this, as if she expected it, and Sara moved closer to her, drawing comfort from their proximity.
“He nurtures the inner you, and that’s a great thing, Sara my child. Men are not always comfortable with nurturing their partners—they lead them, command them, direct them, but rarely cherish them. You may have finally wandered to where you need to be.”
Sara pursed her mouth and sipped her lukewarm tea as she mulled over her mother’s words. The cry of a seagull echoed over the water in the quiet pause and both women smiled at the sound, glancing at each other. Avra tossed her long braid over her shoulder.
“My restless Virgo—“ she sighed, “Always looking to the horizons, seeking something beyond the next sunrise. Your father and I knew you’d find your way, even it if your journey took longer and went further than your brother’s or ours.”
“Oh I’m still wandering, mom—I just stay put doing it,” Sara countered softly. Avra snorted.
“You’re the scientist, you don’t GET to make koans.”
“I can be as Buddhist as I want, okay?” Sara teased. “It goes perfectly with my vegetarian stance these days.”
“Of course. I’ll get out my copy of Laurel’s Kitchen for Thanksgiving this year and make sure to look up Tofu turkey before you come.”
Sara looked startled; her mother laughed, dimples deepening.
“Hadn’t thought about the holidays yet? This love HAS broad sided you, hasn’t it? You’d better talk to him.”
Sara gave an emphatic nod and dropped her gaze to the sand around her bare feet, studying it for a long moment.
“Mom, you haven’t asked who he is, or how we fell in love, or what our future’s going to be. What kind of a parent ARE you?”
Avra wrapped an arm around Sara’s shoulders, hugging her daughter with surprising strength.
“A smart one and you know it. The only person who’s called is your supervisor, so it has to be HIM, girlchild. You’ve been talking about him for a few years now; it’s not much of a surprise. And as for the future—no one can say, although I’d like to point out that I myself married MY boss, so I’m not in a position to call this kettle black just yet.”
Sara felt a lightness in her chest rising up, a sense of relief in sharing this precious thing. She laughed, long and loud as her mother joined in, hugging her again.
